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Interestingly, to help offset this, R’ Shlomo has made an offer to any Shadchan of ,000 that sets up a successful Shidduch between a 25 year old woman (or older) with a man the same age or younger. Young women will never be convinced to wait until they are 22 to start dating. There is another issue that impacts negatively on Charedi Shiduchim: The idea of parents treating it like a business deal. The unbelievable pressure that parents must feel to support their sons in law with money they don’t have must be enormous.

What I mean is that it has become an unfortunate norm in the Charedi world for parents of a ‘good learner’ to extort huge sums of money to support their son in Kollel in the event they get married as a prior condition for a date. In a typically large family where there are many daughters to marry off, where is any middle class parent going to find the money to do that? Desperate parents have been known to double mortgage their house; sell their life insurance policies; work well past retirement; and even borrow from free loan societies in order to support their sons in law in learning. But I still feel obligated to suggest a way out for them. The idea of automatically supporting a son in law should be abandoned.

R’ Shlomo also suggests a novel approach whereby young women not begin dating until they are age 22.

In the meantime there are organizations that have been created that offer financial incentives to encourage Shadchanim to find Shiduchim for the 25 year old ‘spinsters’. I use the term for shock value – the situation is serious enough for us to be shocked into action.) But as R’ Shlomo points out, all this has done little to change the ‘overall trajectory’- of the ‘downward spiral’. Needless to say, for most young men(there are exceptions of course) age 20 is way too young to get married. They are simply are not mature enough to handle the responsibilities of marriage. Leaving aside the fact that far too many young men are encouraged to stay in the Beis Ha Medrash for as long as possible despite the fact that they would better serve God in other ways, I cannot protest enough the mercenary way in which Shiduchim are treated these days.

Women’s seminaries in Israel (and to a lesser extent Beis Yaakov high schools) need to stop putting Kollel on a lone pedestal to the exclusion of the working man.

It is time for these Mechanchim to open the doors for these women to value men who serve God in their own unique ways – not necessarily by staying in a Kollel.

Unfortunately for the borough’s more “indigenous” (i.e., Ashkenazic) Jewish inhabitants, their Mizrahi cousins brought with them their culture’s bizarre building habits and aesthetic preferences.

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Otherwise, as R’ Shlomo suggests, the situation will indeed continue to spiral downward.Once a man or woman comes of marriageable age (often referred to as ‘being in the Parsha’), they ought to be encouraged to meet socially.Prior to that, there ought to be some sort of supervised interaction between young people of the opposite sex.It is easier to ‘want a husband to learn’ than it is for a husband to actually learn.What is the solution being touted in these circles? Some Charedi Roshei Yeshiva and Rabbonim have publicly called for lowering the age for men to get married to as early as age 20.




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