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In his case, I believe it’s genetic; he’s been heavy since a very young age, and didn’t slim down even when playing football twice a day. That’s something you can’t hide when you live with someone, nor would I want to.

The fact that he knows I have trigger foods, like potato chips, means he won’t leave them in the house, but also that when I do have a binge eating episode, he is kind about it.

We live in such a looks-focused world that those became intertwined in my head, and that’s a dangerous outlook because it leads to me wanting to stay in bed all day when I feel “ugly” or “heavy.” He’s able to navigate that fine line of helping without butting in because he knows my body issues are more complicated than his.

When you date a fat person, their size quickly becomes an “issue” for other people in your life.

Being bombarded with this type of faux-concern has given me empathy for what he and other fat people go through umpteen times a day, and just how unhelpful it is.To these people, being fat can’t coexist with being healthy, and if you truly want to “work on” the problem it can only mean dropping pounds, rather than rationally assessing how you move and eat.I learned in the first months of our relationship that size and nutrition aren’t necessarily correlated, even though our culture wants us to think that if you eat “healthy” you will magically transform into our thin ideal.But during the three years we’ve been together, he’s taught me a lot about size, fatness and self-care. I’d like to say I’ve always shared this level of both candor and comfort with my curves, but that’s not true.I can get so hung up on a clothing size that I’ll buy a less flattering but lower number to make myself feel better.

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We have found that no one person can fulfill all of our needs, and every new person we add to our lives gives us something new and different than the last. He loves to see me happy, and we still have sexy all the time. At first I was scared I would lose him to some other girl but then I realized that none of the other girls would make it past a month or so before he asked them to leave. In fact after devoting myself to him for more than a year he has never said I love you to me.

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