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For more about parenting adolescents, see my book, "SURVIVING YOUR CHILD'S ADOLESCENCE" (Wiley, 2013.) Also, my book, "Why Good Kids Act Cruel." More information at: week's entry: Parental Put Downs, Power Tests, and Power Struggles with Adolescents There is a difference between coaches that challenge and coaches that bully and its important parents know the difference. How the kids respond or complain is clearly different as well.

I believe as kids get older, parents need to distance themselves from being involved with coaching expcept in this one case. From my experience, its watching how my student athlete responds over time in that relationship.

The fifth step is what to do if the individual or group appeal falls on deaf ears, nothing is going to change, and now the adolescent wants to leave the team, and even abandon the sport. This would be like being bitten by one dog and deciding thereafter to beware the entire breed, or to swear off dogs entirely.

The parent needs to try and strike a bargain with the adolescent.

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If a determination of repeated bullying is made, the parent needs to ask the teenager's permission to talk with the coach on the young person's behalf. Bullying coaches with a successful program can have a lot of community support.Bullies are partly made by the consent of those who allow themselves to be shut up and pushed around.The third step, after getting specifics of mistreatment from their adolescent, is for the parent to ask for a private talk with the coach.Support the young person leaving this team if, after an agreed upon time out, he or she will consent to try another team with another coach who the parent can check out in advance.An experience with a bullying coach should not be reason for a hurt adolescent to give up on playing the sport itself, an activity in which the young person has invested a lot of time and effort, and from which he or she gains important self-esteem.




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