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When you have a critical mass of message exchanges, the classic is always a winner. If you’re in a rush, scroll down for our robust 3-step formula. So it’s OK to develop a template and work from that (more on that in the formula below).

Just don’t burn time messaging someone who isn’t interested in meeting. The good news is, many women explicitly say on their profiles they’re not looking for a pen pal. But spamming out the same generic message is a mistake.

Step into her shoes for a moment: at some point you want her to meet up with you, an unknown male, in a dark bar or coffee shop she’s never been before, probably at night.

In just about any other kind of social transaction, that would be insane.

Notice we didn’t say, “a connection,” because these things can’t be engineered (despite the advice of an industry of dating advice and pickup artists). You can, however, give yourself the best possible chance of a genuine connection by being generous with your personality and interests (more on that below), being playful right out of the gate, and being vulnerable when it’s appropriate.

For a location it’s gallant to ask what part of town they're in and then choose a cool spot that is more convenient for them if you’re in a different part – again, a familiar spot or familiar part of town helps put your date at ease. As it turns out, one in three people who’ve matched and messaged with someone on a site never actually meet them face to face. Even if she hasn’t heard it before, she’ll know and respect you less.

Contrary to most of the advice out there, there is no set rule about when to suggest a meeting. Would you apply to a job with the exact same cover letter and resume? You develop a framework and modify to fit your particular goal. Here are some general guidelines for upping your message game.

This article is about the most important skill you can master in online dating that no one’s talking about: the message.

This article is about the inescapable truth of the apps: unless you’re having conversations that lead to actual face time, online dating is a of time.




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They may constantly blow off their gym class or plans with friends and find that dating is not working in the way they had hoped.


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